Is a Catholic funeral necessary?

Dear Father,

I have noticed that there seem to be fewer funerals in our church during the past few years. When I asked the pastor, he told me that the families of Catholics are not honoring the wishes of the deceased to have a Catholic funeral Mass. Instead, they have some kind of prayer service at the funeral home. I find this atrocious. I’m in my 80s and I definitely want a Catholic funeral Mass. Is there a way to ensure that I will have a proper funeral?

-T.S.

Dear T.S.,

It’s not only your parish church that has fewer funerals; it’s widespread these days, as many pastors will attest. Sadly, many who no longer practice their Catholic faith see no point in giving their parents and relatives a Catholic burial. It’s an enormous injustice to the deceased as well as to the surviving relatives and friends.

As we approach the month of November, during which the Church prays specially for all the dead, it is worth recalling the works of mercy that every Christian is bound to practice. The works of mercy are divided into the categories of corporal and spiritual. Corporal works deal with the physical needs of others, including burying the dead. Spiritual works of mercy deal with the soul (both one’s own and another’s); praying for the dead is one of these.

Showing mercy to others is part of the virtue of justice: something we owe. That makes these works of mercy, including burying and praying for the dead, obligatory. No one is dispensed from this debt. Burying the dead includes making sure that a proper Catholic funeral is given to one who has died. Praying for the dead includes both the prayers of the funeral Mass and our continued prayers that the deceased may pass from purgatory to the vision of God in heaven.

Even the canon law of the Church mandates that justice be served for the dead: “Christ’s faithful who have died are to be given a Church funeral … [in which] the Church prays for the spiritual support of the dead, it honors their bodies, and at the same time it brings to the living the comfort of hope” (no. 1176). Catechumens, though not baptized, also deserve a Catholic funeral, as do unbaptized infants (can. 1183).

There are three vital aspects of a funeral. The first, as I mentioned, is to pray for the deceased. Of course, our prayer for the dead does not end once the funeral is finished. We are to have Masses offered for the deceased and to offer other sacrifices and prayers on behalf of the deceased. 

The second vital aspect is that we are reminded of our own mortality, and that we must reform our lives sooner rather than later, for we know not the day or the hour when we shall be called to give an accounting of the gift of life we have been given.

The other vital reason funerals are important is that we console each other not only with human support but with divine help. We find courage to face the pains of separation and loss of our loved ones by pondering the truths of our faith, namely that Christ has died and risen from the dead in order to make us sharers in His resurrected life. Our greatest consolation is the sure knowledge that we will life eternally with God in paradise.

To ensure that one has a proper Catholic funeral, we need to plan now. Some people will put off funeral planning because they think they are too young to die, or feel invincible, or simply are turned off by talk about funerals because it seems macabre. These hesitations are unfounded, of course, because we all must come to the end of life sooner or later. 

While legal wills are important to dispose of our property, they are not the best vehicles for our loved ones for immediate funeral planning. Legal wills are typically not read until long after we have departed this earth. For this reason, I urge people of all ages to make known to their loved ones now what they expect for funeral planning. This is a crucial conversation to have in person not just when we are old or seriously ill but even when we don’t anticipate the unexpected. We should also put our plans into writing and give copies to our loved ones and to the parish priest, who will be able to help make sure that our funeral rites are carried out.

Written funeral plans, which are separate from our legal wills and conversations with those we trust to carry out our wishes, help to ensure that we will have a beautiful Mass and burial. We can also leave instructions in our legal wills that we wish that a portion of our estate will be used for Masses and prayers to be offered for our speedy deliverance from purgatory to be seated at the divine Banquet at God’s table.