The journey of being a mother is a journey like no other. There’s no single image that can capture its transformative power; no single moment that points to success achieved. Rather, motherhood feels more like an epic road trip with many stops on the way to a destination unknown but sought.
I have brought seven children into this world and raised another as my own. I have carried a child in my womb and lost her before she could meet her twin. I have rejoiced over healings within my family, celebrated every milestone for each heart I so tenderly hold, and I have also sat in silence, feeling the frigid fear of not being able to find one of my children when they were truly hurting and broken. Though 22 years into this journey, motherhood remains a mystery unsolved by me.
There is a thread that remains constant through my journey and that is presence. When I reflect on how I have “evolved” as a mother, this ministry of presence has been my survival. I pull it out of my carpetbag like Mary Poppins did her lamp, as my children and I sit together. When they were young, I rocked them, sang to them, nursed them, and read to them over and over again.
As they grew older, I sit on their beds and listen to them walk their way through friendships, hard practices, mistakes made and even the occasional glimpse into a crush or two. It is sacred space. I can feel the tenuous threads of trust being built over time, and I pour myself into it.
Over time, I build this sacred space in my car, at my dining room table, and on my bedroom couch. As I drive to practices, take to work and eat late-night takeout, I sit and listen. I imagine Mary walking, sitting and working with Jesus as a child and a growing young man, hand in hand, listening as he shared his heart, shared the longings he held. What a sacred space we mothers are invited into!
As many of my children have gotten older, growing into young adults now, my presence shows itself in different ways. Often, late at night, I stay on a Facetime call listening as they process the next step for an internship or job. I listen and walk them through time management for projects due, paperwork that needs to be turned in, and I find them where they are and take them for a meal. As they eat, I listen to their stories, being a safe space hopefully for them to launch ideas and share their thoughts. In our family, we talk often of trust being built over time. It’s a family mantra that I aspire to live up to. Trust is a big deal, and it weaves itself beautifully into a ministry of presence by being intentional and truly listening to the hearts of our family. We cannot help but build trust.
There are caveats I have learned, however, over the years of my mothering. This ministry of presence, this listening to their hearts is not just a showing up. Listening is hard work, especially for mothers, because listening requires us to pause and ponder.
Lately, I have been struck by the environment that needs to be created in order for my kids to share their hearts. Our kids are facing some hard challenges. Their concept of identity is being challenged by modern society. The models of friendships, romance, fun and adventure are all influenced by the culture of today. Old me handled these challenges differently than now the now-wiser me. I realize the importance of creating a space where the thoughts and ideas of my children can be shared safely without judgment; where questions can be asked, discussions had, and individual thoughts formed and owned. I think back to the late-night conversations I had with my college friends, those whom I let influence me, and wish I had a safe place to talk through my questions and form my own thoughts. Our children are nervous to share with us what they hear and see because they know it is often different than what we believe to be right. The more we preach, and the less we listen, the more they will find a place to Google their questions and seek their answers; forming not their own opinion but one that is of the group.
One of the delights of a mother’s heart is seeing the man or woman their child grows into with their own individual unique thoughts. We have been at their transfiguration moments, and we have been at the foot of their crosses. We get these glimpses because we have stayed steadfast in our presence in their lives.
Mother Mary, help us grow a ministry of presence within our motherhood. Make our hearts tender and supple to your Son’s will for the lives of our children and help us to guide them to His heart. Amen
To read more of MaryBeth Eberhard’s writing, visit her website and subscribe for updates at www.marybetheberhard.com.
