Reflecting upon the Ohio Bishops’ Pastoral Letter on the Protection of Children in the Womb and Accompaniment of Women to kick off Respect Life Month, my mind instantly turns to the Mystery of the Visitation (Luke 1:39-45). It’s an encounter between two expectant mothers, Mary and Elizabeth, who were both experiencing unexpected pregnancies. Mary had just consented to the angel Gabriel’s proposal to bear the Christ-child, and goes in haste to see her older cousin, who believed she was barren. As soon as Mary comes through the door, we get a heavenly-inspired embrace. The infant in Elizabeth’s womb, who grows up to be John the Baptist, leaps for joy at the sound of Mary’s voice. Just as he would one day point out to the entire world to “behold the Lamb of God!” here he is, already foretelling, already revealing. It’s an unborn child who becomes the first person to recognize Christ’s presence in the world.
I can only imagine the surreal feeling of being an expectant mother, having a child in your womb move and kick about. As a married permanent deacon, I’ve had a chance to touch my wife’s stomach when she was pregnant with our three children and get a sense, a feel of the baby moving. That happens for Elizabeth at the exact moment when Mary walks in, bearing Jesus. And Elizabeth, who didn’t even know that Mary was pregnant yet, is filled with the Holy Spirit. She cries out the words that become the second part of the Hail Mary. “Blessed are you among women. And blessed is the fruit of your womb.” Then, in great humility Elizabeth continues to reveal the true magnitude of what’s happening when she wonders, “How do I deserve to have the Mother of my Lord, the Mother of YAHWEH, come to visit me?”
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This amazing story of the Visitation illustrates the great dignity, not only of Mary herself, but of the gift of motherhood, and the sanctity of life from the moment of conception. This dignity is not limited to Mary and Jesus, Elizabeth and John the Baptist. It’s re-lived every time any child is conceived under the beating heart of his or her mother. God ordained that woman would cooperate with Him as co-creators of human life when she gives her body in love and sacrifice for the life of her child.
The Venerable Cardinal Jozsef Mindszenty wrote the following: “The most important person on earth is a mother. She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. But she need not. She has built something more magnificent than any cathedral — a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby’s body. The angels have not been blessed with such a grace. They cannot share in God’s creative miracle to bring new saints to heaven. Only a human mother can. Mothers are closer to God the Creator than any other creature; God joins forces with mothers in performing this act of creation. What on God’s good earth is more glorious than this; to be a mother?”
I wonder if it’s possible for anyone to have more joyful hope and anticipation than a first-time expectant mother? I will never forget the moment Carrie came to me and revealed that she was pregnant with our first child. Talk about a life-changing moment. All the thoughts and emotions that come rushing through your mind. With a mother, you add so much more. The physiology and the bond that will develop between mother and child. Of course, you start thinking about your new reality and responsibilities. And maybe for some, that moment, that revelation of being pregnant, becomes not one of joy, but one of anxiety. One of fear. Perhaps it is unexpected. Not a part of my plan. It’s OK to feel that way.
Saint Maria Quattrocchi was no stranger to that feeling. She and her husband, Luigi, were the first married couple to be canonized together. They were Italians who lived last century with four children, living an ordinary marriage with extraordinary love. Their children came fast — three in their first four years of marriage, and Maria wasn’t thrilled about any of the pregnancies. The first sparked fear in her, the second despair. “Who will give me the strength to think of two children?” she wrote to her husband. “To endure the physical and physiological exhaustion of pregnancy and the rest? Believe me, I am truly in despair. I’d prefer anything to another pregnancy.”
Maria loved her children and she loved being a mother, but her pregnancies were hard, and so was raising babies. There was nothing sinful in her apprehension, nor did she love her children any less because it took her some time to rejoice in their existence. And if you, or someone you know is struggling to come to terms with an unexpected pregnancy, Saint Maria Quattrochi is a great intercessor.
But we know for some, that fear, anxiety, financial considerations, overwhelming circumstances, shame, even manipulation from others can turn an unexpected pregnancy into an unwanted pregnancy. In those times, the choice to terminate the life in the womb can sometimes feel like the only choice.
Recently, I spoke with multiple professionals who work with women and men in pregnancy care centers. They said that in this day and age of the internet, the choice to have an abortion often happens within 24 hours of finding out that one is pregnant. Most abortions no longer happen at a clinic. Pro-abortion marketing encourages hurrying to take care of this. To cover it up. Make the situation go away. Get a pregnancy test at the drug store. Nobody knows. A telehealth visit with a physician. A $7 online pill without an ultrasound. Have it mailed to your doorstep. Take the pill, and you’re done. Nobody knows.
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Except what’s happening is that women are suffering through the traumatic experience of aborting their own child – alone. Of carrying the psychological scars and burden of guilt into the days, months, and years ahead. At one local pregnancy center, there’s a memorial to the unborn on the grounds. The Director says she’ll often come to work and find tokens left there. A rose. A stuffed animal. One day, a solitary cupcake with a birthday candle. An 83-year old woman who had an abortion 50 years ago, knowing she is going to die soon, and wondering what she will say to her child when she encounters her – if she encounters her – in heaven. Men who perhaps encouraged or financed the abortion of an old girlfriend.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Mary didn’t go it alone. When she found out she was pregnant, she went in haste to visit a trusted mentor, her cousin Elizabeth. And they helped one another. Yes, they shared a moment of joy. But every joyful mystery is tainted by the cross. We know from the rest of the story hardships they would endure, hearts that would be pierced. Yet together, they acknowledged God’s unexpected plan for their lives. They put their trust in Him.
Our Bishops are calling on us to accompany young mothers and fathers. To be those trusted mentors and to provide those needed resources. There are ways for all of us to accompany and serve the pregnant mothers in our lives. I’m thinking particularly of those who may be struggling with unexpected pregnancies. (Click HERE to see a Directory of local Pregnancy Help, Family Support, and Pro-Life organizations with which you can get involved or from which you can seek help.)
Women’s health professionals say the first thing to do if someone confides in you is to congratulate her. It’s wonderful news that you’re having a baby! Even if shock is involved. Even if you’re the one who’s shocked by the news. And if you are shocked, don’t panic, blame, shame, or blow up. We need to be prepared to be good listeners. To make ourselves available and willing to help. To let them know that God has a plan and a purpose! It may sound trite, but it’s absolutely true. Start with faith, hope, and love. Pray with them. Seek the Lord and ask for His help, wisdom, direction, strength, and grace. They say if possible, don’t just send or refer them somewhere. Actually go with them to a pregnancy center! It’s accompanying women on a journey. And if you are someone you know carries the yoke of abortion on your conscience, either having one or aiding one, know that God’s mercy is superabundant. After all, Jesus came to redeem the world. All of it. This month, the Diocese of Columbus hired a Project Rachel Coordinator to grow this confidential, post-abortion ministry for anyone struggling with the emotional, spiritual, or psychological aftermath of an abortion. It offers a supportive, non-judgmental network of specially trained priests, licensed counselors, and volunteers who provide pastoral care, one-on-one support, and healing retreats. If you need help please call/text our confidential helpline at 614-696-6188 or email projectrachel@columbuscatholic.org.
I want to close with a prayer to Our Lady of La Leche – our Nursing Mother of Happy Delivery. It’s one of the oldest devotions to the blessed mother, originally depicted over 1,700 years ago on the walls of the Roman catacombs. A painting of Mary, nursing the infant Jesus.
O Lord Jesus Christ, through the intercession of Your tender Mother, Our Lady of La Leche, who bore
You close to her heart during those long months before Your birth, I place my baby and myself entirely in Your Hands. Free me, I beseech You, from useless and consuming worry. Accept the sacrifice of my aches and pains, which I unite to Your sufferings on the Cross. Above all, most merciful and loving Jesus, protect this child You have given to me from all harm, bestowing the health and vigor every baby needs. Implant in my heart and on my lips the words and prayers of Your Mother and mine, our Lovely Lady of La Leche. All this I ask that my child and I may live to praise forever Your Holy Name. Amen.
Deacon Dave Bezusko is the Senior Director of the Vicariate of Catholic Social Doctrine and a Permanent Deacon assigned to Our Lady of Lourdes in Marysville.