Dear Father: I liked your article on not raising our hands at the Our Father at Mass. I went through RCIA and became Catholic this past year, but we didn’t learn about etiquette at Mass. Would you comment on things like drinking or chewing gum at Mass, leaving Mass before it ends and how to dress for church? Are there any rules? – P.A.
Dear P.A.: Welcome to your Catholic home!
Just as there are proper behaviors so that we can live together in peace at home and work, or while driving or out shopping, so there is a correct way to act with God.
Our comportment is shaped by the places we visit, the people in those places and the things we do. You can lounge in a bathrobe at home but not at the office. You could drink a good beer straight from the bottle at home, but you use a proper glass at a fancy dinner in the home of your CEO boss.
You might leave a concert early to beat the crowd to the parking lot, but you don’t leave your own wedding early to get home to see your favorite sports team on TV.
These are not just ways of “being nice.” When we act appropriately, we dignify ourselves and those around us. As human beings, not mere animals, we use our intellect to judge the suitable behavior for every time and place. The greater the person or event, the greater the respect and honor we owe.
We debase ourselves, and our culture, when we refuse to recognize the inherent dignity in another person. In the great modern demand for absolute equalization of every person, we lose sight of what makes each one unique and valuable in his or her own right.
Today, grown men pretend to be females and compete against women in sporting events, claiming that everyone is the same. We have lost our common sense.
Our demand for absolute equalization is exactly what drove Adam and Eve to rebel against God in the garden of Eden. They placed themselves on a par with God to mistakenly claim for themselves the power to decide the definition of good and evil.
News flash: We are not, and can never be, God’s equal. To be like Him means we become holy human beings, not gods unto ourselves.
When we go to church, we enter a new garden of Eden, a holy place where, like Adam and Eve before their fall, we worship God. We are in God’s dwelling place.
We bow down before God. We commune with God. We hear His voice through the Scriptures, and we speak to Him through the special prayers He gives us, especially at the holy sacrifice of the Mass.
A Catholic church is the house of God. We show the greatest possible respect to God in His home in every action and thought. Men remove their hats. We genuflect to the presence of the Son of God, Jesus Christ, in the tabernacle. We silence our phones to hear His voice. We leave our water bottles and coffee cups and gum outside.
Throughout the entirety of the Mass, we seek to attune our minds and hearts to the mind and heart of God. Inevitably there will be distractions, but we simply bring our attention back to God in the liturgy of the Word and the liturgy of the Eucharist.
If we are receiving Holy Communion, we will have fasted from all food and drink one hour before communion. However, we may have a drink of water and medicine before coming to Mass.
Just as we would never leave an important dinner early unless it were an emergency, we do not leave Mass early. I’ve been told that one priest put signs on the inside of the doors of the church saying: “Judas left early, too.” Offensive? Yes. Does it work? Probably not. Nevertheless, point taken.
The rule of thumb is to stay at least until the priest, who represents Christ, has departed. Even then, it is important to stay and make an act of thanksgiving after Mass for all the graces God has given us before we go about the day’s business.
The way we dress is important, too. If you received an invitation to a formal dinner with the pope, you wouldn’t wear skimpy shorts or sports clothing. Even those who go to the pope’s dining room on a regular basis dress up every time.
No, it’s not necessary to don a tux or gown for Mass, but there are situations where we could raise the tone. We do it for God, not to impress the congregation.
Some will undoubtedly remind me that it’s what is inside that counts, not what we wear. Yes, God sees the heart. But we also show what’s in our hearts by what we wear.
Imagine finding your spouse without his or her wedding ring. I suppose a wife could tell her husband that it’s what is in her heart that counts, but I doubt he’ll buy that line.
Bottom line: God always deserves the best!
