Dear Father,
I’m a new bride and just returned from my honeymoon. I was perturbed during our trip because of the priest at our wedding. He was adamant that there was to be no, what he called, “carrying on at the wedding ceremony,” like swooping kisses. He refused to say “you may kiss the bride” and wouldn’t introduce us as husband and wife at the end of the event. I paid money to use that church and I don’t feel like I got very good service. When I contacted the priest’s boss, some higher-up told me the priest that married us did nothing wrong. I think you people should get with the times.
-Sullie
Dear Sullie,
It’s precisely because we don’t “get with the times” that the Church has survived for nearly 2,000 years. The Church responds to the times by proclaiming the Lordship of Jesus Christ. The Church responds to the times by rescuing people from the alluring charms of the devil and bringing them into the embrace of Jesus Christ. The Church responds to the times by telling people what they often don’t want to hear: the truth.
We do this through the preaching of the Gospel and the celebration of the seven sacraments that Christ instituted. Holy Matrimony is one of those seven.
Catholic weddings are at the same time joyful but solemn because of their sacramental nature. The joy is the realization of living more deeply with Christ in married life. The solemnity is the act of giving glory to God in this sacred rite.
Each of the seven sacraments has an essential part as well as other rites that surround the essence of the sacrament. In the case of Matrimony, its essence consists in the free and mature exchange of consent between a man and a woman to give themselves to each other for the rest of their lives, and to raise children, all to the glory of God. Matrimony is part of the means of the spouses helping each other to heaven.
All of the seven sacraments are sacred rites involving humans and Almighty God. Sacred rites are not to be toyed with for our own gratification. This includes the sacrament of Matrimony and the Mass within which it is oftentimes celebrated. We can’t just do whatever we like with the sacred rites because, in the sacraments, we are “touching” God – or better, God is “touching” us. The sacraments are both a means of worshiping God and the means by which He brings us into union with Himself.
Matrimony, in particular, is a sign of our union with God. The bride and groom are signs of the Church and Christ. Just as Christ died on the cross for the Church, His bride, so the groom lays down his life for his bride. Just as the Church is perpetually proclaiming her love and surrender to Christ, so the bride gives herself to her husband. This event, so full of deep and self-sacrificing love, is a most solemn moment. Matrimony, beautiful and bursting with love and joy, is at the same time a divine encounter with Christ. This is no giddy moment.
The priest at your wedding did you a huge favor, one that I hope you will come to realize. We have all witnessed the “carrying on” at weddings, such as the deep kissing (to the point of embarrassment), the swooping of the bride in the groom’s arms, and the whooping and hollering as if we were in a dance hall rather than God’s house. Not to take away the joy of such a great day, but a church is a church.
You said that you paid money to “use that church.” It sounds like you think you rented the space just as you rented your reception hall. Rather, you most likely offered the church a fraction of the cost of your reception; the money is a gift to the church, partly for its upkeep, but especially as a sign of your appreciation for its dignity and your own desire to participate in that parish’s continuation of preaching the Gospel.
The Second Vatican Council, acting as the highest authority of the Church, declared that no person, “even if he be a priest, may add, remove or change anything in the liturgy on his own authority” in the sacred rites. Thus, a priest may not add things to the wedding rite, be it within a Mass or apart from the Mass. This includes such things as “you may kiss the bride” and “I present to you for the first time Mr. and Mrs. XYZ,” often found in non-Catholic weddings.
Concerning kissing, I have a couple of thoughts. First, if the Sign of Peace is celebrated at the Mass, that’s an opportunity for a chaste kiss. I emphasize chaste. It’s not a time to display an affecting that should be a private matter between husband and wife. Second, the priest doesn’t say “you may kiss the bride” because you will have the rest of your lives to enjoy your marital bliss.
Finally, often when we attend joyous affairs, even when solemn, we sometimes cannot contain our enthusiasm and will spontaneously clap, such as when the bride and groom exit the church. This happens, too, when someone like the pope visits a church for Mass, or when new priests are ordained, and the like.
I wish you and your husband many happy years and a large family.
