I find myself in a time of parenting where the life I desire for my children is different than the one they are choosing. I think I know how this will play out.
I remember well what it was like for me as a young adult spreading my wings and I need to give that same grace to my children as they become young adults. Yet it is so very hard.
My older children have taken the brunt of this learning curve (and continue to do so) as my younger ones experience a mother gentler with her words and patient with understanding the mistakes they make on their path to maturity. Life has a learning curve for us all.
We all desire to be fully known and fully loved, especially when we are still finding our way. (Are we ever not?) These walks are typically where I check in with my kids. What are you working on? How are school, work and friends?
I felt a tug to just listen this time, less of me and more of the Holy Spirit. As I took a walk down our country path the other day with my teenage daughter and listened to her share her heart, I marveled at the gift she was giving me, the opportunity placed before me. Pausing her conversation and our walk, I stopped and told her how beautiful she is to me, how much I value her trust and the time she puts into our relationship, and I told her how proud of her I am. “I know, Ima,” she said softly and she hugged me and off she went.
“Ima,” her word for mother, said so frequently, fell like rose petals on my heart, and I breathed in their scent. Moments like these are sacred for me because the pace of everyday life can be demanding. It’s easy to get caught up in worry and work. We forget to see the gifts before us.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 reminds us to "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
As a mom of eight very unique children, I have so much to be grateful for, and yet I often get caught up in my head desiring my will for their life rather than breathing gratitude for the life they have and the life they are living. Life is such a very treasured gift, and the older our children get, the more we feel the blessings of being part of theirs.
Many of us have felt the pain of being separated from those we love; whether it be by distance, by regrets or by hurt. Thanks be to God for his mercy and his tender heart that calls us back together. And because of this, we must not take it lightly, this gift of being invited to be a part of living life together.
As I reflect on being a young mother and the plans my husband and I made for our children, I gently smile at those memories. Wisdom and life experience have taught me to be humbly grateful for a hug from my son as he visits home, the gift of a college phone call for teatime, or a meal shared together with those still at home. There is intention and love, a desire to know the other, and be known by the other and I embrace that fully. Even though the path my children are taking for their lives looks very different than the one I would have had them walk, I see God working in their lives.
One of St. Teresa of Avila’s beautiful prayers reminds us, “Let nothing affright you. Let nothing disturb you. All things are passing. He who has God has everything. Patient endurance attains all things. God alone is enough.” As our children grow, I think we must make that prayer our breath. May the Lord form our hearts to pray for the “things” that matter for our children; the good, beautiful and eternal. Help us appreciate and savor the moments of connection He gives us.
May we speak words of life and model your joy to those whose lives we’ve entrusted to you from the beginning and may we always put our trust in your plans rather than our own.
