It is such a privilege to be a mother, the layers of which continue to unfold before me like petals from the fullest rose.
With that privilege comes responsibility and the realization that I am the first woman in my children’s lives. It is me from whom the image and definition of woman and mother are first formed. It takes my breath away to ponder this.
This revelation gives purpose to my days as I seek to live out my vocation as mother. The other day, one of my sons lost his patience with me, and it surprised me. I have a sensitive soul and am easily hurt. I can also hold my ground and call my children to task when necessary. (Mama Mary taught me that!)
After emotions had calmed down, I sat with this child of mine and explained to him that with me is where he will learn how to treat the women in his life. He looked at me skeptically, and I explained, “I am the first woman who you get to navigate life with. The relationship with me is where you practice the relationship you will have with your friends, with your first girlfriend and with your future wife.
“How you learn to treat me is how you will treat other women in your life, and it’s my job to teach you. Now here’s the thing you need to realize: I am stronger than even I realize. I was formed to be your momma, which means I can weather the storms you might throw my way as you navigate growing into a young man.
“But it doesn’t mean I like it or that you can just throw willy-nilly. It is in your relationship with me that you learn how to treat a woman. You learn how it feels to be loved and how to love. You learn to love when you are hurt. You learn to forgive.
“You learn how to respond when you have hurt another. You learn how to see that hurt without becoming defensive and defiant. You learn to have eyes to see how to bless me because I dedicate my days to doing the same for you. This is what love looks like.”
Now how do we live up to this responsibility? To be honest, it is a daily surrender because at age 47, I, too, still struggle with my emotions. (Granted, far less than I used to, but owning up to the struggle makes me more a witness than asserting my authority.)
Using moments as opportunities to applaud, whisper, coach and affirm help build memories with my children. I leave a little note or a text to be intentional in sharing how something they did that was loving or kind made me feel cherished and loved.
I came home from work, and the dishes were loaded and the counter wiped down. Wow! What a difference that made in my evening, guys! When I am sad, they will come and sit with me because a ministry of presence has been taught.
I am often asked where I learned to mother like this, and the answer is, my heavenly mother. Growing up in a home that wasn’t safe mandated that, if I was going to break that cycle, I had to find an example of motherhood that was going to enable me to raise loving, kind, gentle, selfless, charitable and good-to-their-core humans.
With every word spoken, Mary has been a guiding point in my motherhood and continues to shepherd me in my vocation as I shepherd my own family. It is a beautiful circle of life that helps me place my trust in Mary’s guidance but also brings me hope for my children, that through this witness, they may grow to be selfless Christians who serve and love their families abundantly.
I find comfort and support in Pope St. John Paul II’s quote reflecting on the role of mothers:
“You have sheltered human beings within yourselves in a unique experience of joy and travail. This experience makes you become God’s own smile upon the newborn child, the one who guides your child’s first steps, who helps it to grow, and who is the anchor as the child makes its way along the journey of life.”
